Giving thanks.

(I don't want to jinx myself but writing all this down. Only to have things go downhill afterwards.)

I have been carrying this floaty feeling in my head this past few days. This floaty feeling has compelled me to take a good look around, to look inside myself, and be thankful for all that I have despite some awful on-goings. In hindsight, this could have been in response to the air of festivities with Thanksgiving just barely week ago and Christmas being a little kitty corner away from us. Of course, not to mention we will soon bring down the curtain and say goodbye to 2008 and welcome another new year.

What am I thankful for?

I am thankful for a wonderful family and great friends. I am thankful that I am lucky enough to be employed. I am thankful that I have almost full autonomy of my life, even more thankful that by some strange power, I have yet to abuse this freedom. It is a strange feeling to be in complete control of your own life, manuevering your way there is not easy (pats myself on my back ). I am thankful that I have reasons to be proud of myself, for being able to achieve little feats in my life. By writing this down, I realized that financial independence is how you gain self autonomy. I am thankful that I can afford the things that I want. I bought my very first car, will go on my very first self paid trip and hopefully will continue to have many more firsts.

I have somewhat evolved to become an avid news watcher. I turn on the 9 o'clock news and I see plenty of coverage about the terrorist attacks in India. I have to be thankful that neither me nor my loved ones were victims of such brutality. I continue watching the news and I watch the plights of others being affected by the tough economic times. While some people have to resort to accepting charity, I am able to walk into the grocery store and not have to think twice if I can afford that gallon of milk or not. For that, I have to be thankful.

I am thankful for singledom too, and celebrating it. While I do wish I would get lucky in love sometimes, nothing beats the feeling of being in complete control of yourself, for better or for worse. I can pick myself up and go anytime I want. I can also plonk myself down and stay if I wanted too. I make my own decisions, without having to consider the feelings of that of others.

Finally, I have to be thankful that I am only human and am able to know that sometimes, it is the simple things in life that makes us happy. I walked into the hospital this past weekend, gave a few massages to patients and nurses alike in the ICU, which hopefully brought some smiles to their faces and comfort to their hearts. In return, I too, could feel myself smiling.

Happy belated Thanksgiving!

I find it awfully difficult to create a title for each post. Nothing can really come to mind.

And so this week, history was made and this country finally declared Barack Obama as President-elect. (It's been a tight race!) While this is no doubt a historic event, I don't think it came as a surprise.

And oh boy! I cannot believe it's November already! It seems like this year was all about being hit by the political bug, be it here or home. It seems like it wasn't THAT long ago that a private college hosted a caucus for Hillary Clinton while she ran in a attempt to become the first woman president. Then of course, we had our infamous Malaysian general election in which we as a nation had to witness (and still am) an embarrassing display of the lack of graciousness by poor losers (the ruling government). Soon came the RNC in beautiful St Paul, that was marred by anarchists that proved to be a little....abusive. Then came the disses  / debates and finally the election.

Gosh this year went by fast! And I say that every year!

Acceptance

There is a generic prayer out there that goes something along the lines of "....grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change".

My prayers lately also sing the same tune.

There has been too many negative dynamics going on lately and I now believe it is beyond my realm of control. I am however, fortunate enough to have so many good friends and family around me to hear of my whining  troubles. Here is a compilation of suggestions:

1. Be patient and tolerant. You can only do one of 2 things - quit or hang in there. These are things that sometimes one needs to face in life. (For my refusal to accept why crap happens to me but not others)

2. You shouldn't see it as an unfortunate event. Instead, think of it as your good fortune to have to encounter situations as such so you can learn to be tough. (In regards to my inability to see the glass as half full.)

3. Why do you want to let this get in your way of living a good life? You have so many things around you waiting to be appreciated. Take your gorgeous apartment with its beautiful view, for instance. And good friends around you. (For letting negativity get the better of me.)

4. Just don't give a damn about it. Since there is nothing you can do anyway.

I am slowly learning to accept that what has happened has happened. Why it did, I will never know. But as for right now, I will take the back seat and let people do what they want to do. I also choose to hold on to the belief that what goes around will come around. Perhaps later they will realize that they were the only one dancing in this evil tango of sorts, and it has always been that way.

Something to go by

Many thoughts.

Maybe I have ADHD or ADD. I cannot focus.

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A lot has been happening at work lately. While work itself poses nothing too terribly exciting, it is my interaction with colleagues that saw some very negative changes. What irks me is that I do not know what I had done. What angers me most is the inability of my superiors to exercise fairness and discretion and instead allowing for a lot of wrongful behavior to take place. What disgusts me so much is how there is apparently a reason to be nice to people and when that reason expires, you can then turn your back. This is my very unfortunate initiation into the working world.

Or perhaps it is my own perception and attitude towards the whole situation? I realize that I am emotionally softer than most people, and might come across as having difficulty holding my own. But I am also one to believe that humility is an important aspect and letting go of things is the way to go. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees and that's life.

I start to wonder how different people would react differently if faced with this same situation. I had emotions running high in me and I admit, I had been terribly affected by it all the past couple of weeks. I wondered what I had done. I wondered why this is all happening to me. I wondered what I should do. I wondered and wondered and wondered. But my mental strength can only take so much wondering.

So I got in touch with my religious self again. It provided me much comfort. When some things are just beyond our control, it's nice to know that there is divine intervention that we can hope to seek solace in.

I can only hope that this is just a small bumpy road.

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I have been listening to Jay Chou's new album and I like it. While I will say that the album as a whole was almost like a plateau without one song better than another, I still like his ballads. (I'm a horrible sucker for Jay and Leehom's ballads ) And quite honestly, 稻香 is a song that could not have better timing for me to listen too with all that work crap that has been going on.

I also have a habit of walking down memory lane whenever I listen to C-pop. Or maybe conjure up nostalgic scenarios of home. Such was the case last night while listening to the new album, I couldn't help but smile and think about how the street vendors at the night market would probably be blasting Jay Chou's new album amidst the loud buzz of portable electric generators and people talking loudly. (Can someone please tell me if there has been ANY successful crackdowns on illegal CDs/DVDs at all off late? Not that I'm hoping that will happen.)

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My weekend in Winona was nothing short of sweet, bringing back lots of good memories as usual. Nothing beats hanging out with good old friends, reminiscing the past over good food and good drinks. How can we discount fate? While we can choose many things in our lives, can we choose who we are to meet or what we are to see?Soon, it will be a different feeling altogether when I visit this quaint little town...because the many people I know have already left to live their lives post college and the few that are still there, will eventually be leaving to achieve greater things.

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